Do Overs

Wouldn't it be nice, if really . . . we could just start over??

To get a "do--over", or in my case, to get a couple of hundred ??

Wouldn't it really be nice, if you got another shot . . . another chance . . .

Last night's Super Bowl brought this to mind a bit . . . very few "mistakes" actually, but will Patriot players run the dropped pass over and over again in their minds? Will it replay over and over again . . . and will they daydream about a 2nd chance? A do-over ??

I hate regret!! Really, really do!!

but c'mon, . . . give me a break . . . why does it have to just sit back there in the back of my mind like it does??

Now I know that many of my "super-duper christian friends" have overcome this little nagging demon . . . they have "let go and let god" . . . "forgetting what lies behind . . . pressing onward. . . " or whatever formula has worked for them. But for me . . . it just sits there and nags . . .

I got a bit of a do'over this morning. I started jogging again. Yep, stumbled and heaved my way to 2 3/4 miles in 30 something minutes. I'm starting over again since my ankle injury back in November totally sidelined me . . . and then all this stuff with mom hit the fan . . . but I started it again today . . . my Couch to 5k . . . will work myself up to the 5k once again, and then onto a 10k . That's my goal. But I've done that before . . .so that do-over is palatable. It's the ones that I know I can't get back . . .

It's the other ones that haunt . . .

What if??

What if I had not moved my mom up by us . . . what if I had chosen a different doctor for her . . . what if I had insisted even greater on the 2nd CAT scan . . . what if I had suggested a different rehab facility . . . ugh . . .

The desire for a do-over is ok for the most part I think. It is actually something that I think is lodged in this eternal longing that Romans says has been set inside all of us. Something is wrong with this place we call "home" . . . it is more obvious at some times more than others, but in those moments, something cries out for justice and harmony and the desire to have things set "right" . . . . a new chance . . . a do-over . . .

But then, something inside me twists it and in that moment I sense a regret . . . a haunting whisper reminds me of all the mistakes . . . of all the screw ups . . . all the miscues . . . . maybe I'll just ignore it again . . . maybe I'll get busy into one of this daunting projects that has been waiting for my return and I'll simply lose that awareness that, maybe, it was my fault . . .

hmmmm . . . where are those MnM's ???